Those Words given by A Father Which Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - going on a few days abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."